Letting Go

We have had a few changes around here that are worthy of documentation.  The first, and biggest being….drum roll please…we put our oldest two children into public school. After 3 years of homeschool and only a few months into this year, I had a complete meltdown and decided that this season of our life merits public school. I was spending hours and hours preparing and teaching kindergarten, 2nd, and 3rd grade, and I just could not maintain the pace of life. I have never felt like I was drowning in life day after day, but this school year gave me a good sense of what being submerged feels like.  Aside from the work load, I was becoming very angry and unkind during school…and after….and before…and before bed…and at breakfast…you get it. In a tearful moment of apologizing to my sons for losing my temper, yet again, I finally professed, “I don’t want to be this kind of mom to you, I want school to be something that is fun and not tear-inducing. Get your shoes on, we are going to register at the school.”   This was met with gleeful shouts of excitement mainly because of that big, beautiful, yellow bus in the sky.  After Hudson’s second day he said, “you know, I really only wanted to go to school to ride the bus….but it just takes so long before we get back on the bus.”  When I walked them in on the first day I almost cried when I saw that they each already had a very good friend in their classes.  I had prayed over and over again that morning that God would provide a friend for each of them. I knew instantly that God was showing me that He saw our situation and was going to take care of my boys.  Both boys have only attended 4 days of school, but each day they come home with more excitement for going back again.  It was a VERY emotional week for me, and I cried so many times after they got on the bus, but the burden that has been lifted off of my shoulders is tremendous.  I feel so free now to hang out with friends, call people, support raise, do dishes, and laundry…to live life!

On another note, we gave away our treadmill today and bought 12 oh-so-familiar rubbermaid bins. When we visited Burundi last April we took these same bins with us full of medical supplies and various other items for missionaries.  Now these bins are for us! We are beginning the long process of sorting through our 10 years of life and figuring out what goes to France, what goes to Burundi, what goes to storage, and what goes to a new home.  The treadmill, obviously, did not make the cut.  As Darrell sat in the back of a truck and I watched the treadmill that I have run miles and miles on slowly disappear I felt that little pain.  The one that whispers, “but that might be useful one day!”  I think it will be the first of many little twinges of pain. The couch we love so dearly but happens to be white so therefore cannot ever go to Burundi with it’s red mud that stains like blood.  Our beloved dogs we have had since before we got married.  Reliable electricity…Costco.  The goodbyes are far too many to count.

“Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ” Phil 3:8

Please pray that we may count each of these things that we give over…our children going to school and no longer under my watch to the treadmill we won’t even miss….as rubbish compared to knowing and following Christ.